I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Randomize
