One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
You should frame my arrest warrant.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
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