Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Randomize
