I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
