it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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