Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize