It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
