I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
