I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
