Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
