It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize
