Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I'm like, not good at living.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
