I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
