You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
