i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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