It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Randomize
