Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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