I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
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