I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I see more hoeing in ur future
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