I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
This is the high leading the old right now
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
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