dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
