I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Randomize
