I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
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