moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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