Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
