do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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