After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
