i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
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