id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
