he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
