If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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