just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
