apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
the raccoons are back...
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