she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
