you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
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