I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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