I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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