So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize