I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
