Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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