Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Randomize
