i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
