in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
So vagazzling was a success
You ruined the universe
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Randomize
