You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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