Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Randomize
