Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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