so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
it's like iHOP with fire
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
