Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
The best revenge is premature balding
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
