Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Randomize
