I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
