Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
