if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Randomize