I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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