I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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