Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Randomize
