im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
