I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Randomize
