can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
