Can Purell be used as lube?
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
