After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
As shirtless as possible
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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