John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Still dying that you shit outside
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
