Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
