I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize