Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
