At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
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