how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Randomize
