We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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