Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
