awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
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