Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
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