I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Randomize
