At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
