i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
