apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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