he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
