no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
