saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize
