Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
