I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
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