You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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