Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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