she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Randomize
