My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
please come you make the beer taste better
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize
