My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Randomize
