just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
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