The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Randomize
