I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Dear god my vagina.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
