so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
