Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
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