don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
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