i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
