pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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