at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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