Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
