and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Then you guys just all showered together...?
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Randomize
