So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Randomize
