Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
