but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Randomize
