Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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