also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
