My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
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