I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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