Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
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