wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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