mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
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