he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
