Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Randomize
