He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Randomize
