My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Randomize
