can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
BRING THE BAGELS
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
