Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
