When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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