If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
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