3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Randomize
