so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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